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As I cradle a crushed white lilly in my seemingly giant palm 

I wonder “what if?’s” in silence until I speak into the calm.

“Could I have done things different? Held you closer when you cried?

Clasped your hand a little tighter? What if I hadn’t really tried?”

No answer meets my questions, but of course, ‘cause no one’s there.

I’m alone with just a flower- occupied with nothing but prayer.

“I should be the one to help you, not the other way around.

You were young, though I feel like I’m the one waiting to be found.”

The baby boy was bright and happy, the light, the warmth, the sun

He smiled, and all was okay. He smiled, and day begun. 

But when he was lost my world went dark, when he left my world went cold, 

But, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console 

Three years old is too young, but forever would be too soon, 

To part our ways would be painless, only if to pain I was immune. 

I’ll never forget the smiles he’d flash and the giggles he would squeal, 

Losing Nicholas is the one wound that time will never heal. 

~ Catherine

A beautiful boy with clear blue eyes
clasped his hands at each surprise
at sun, at moon
at a rain-soaked rose
kissing and counting
his naked toes
A beautiful boy with a far-away look
cradled my lap with a precious book
Turned the pages, one-by-one
Until his story was all done
A beautiful boy with pale blue eyes
Visits me now in lull-a-bies,

Sailed away to a foreign land
holding me still
In his still, small hand 

God was extra special to me one day. He introduced me to an angel, I’m so very proud to say.

Together we spent just minutes a day. The message he left is with me to stay. A total stranger I was to him, but in his heart he took me in.

To show me the love he held within. A new friendship to begin.

A gentle boy, a tender heart, enormous love did he impart. A smile appeared as I opened the door. If only I could have learned more.

Big brown eyes beaming with delight. A quietness that spoke no fright. As his first ride to school was in sight.

As time went on our friendship grew. I even got a hug or two. Always a smile never a frown. So deserving of a king’s crown.

A message sent by God through the innocence of a child for us to see how the world should really be in spite of adversity,

The heavens are brighter, The stars shine stronger, As we keep Nicholas close to us. Goodness, Kindness and Love. Try as we might,

To practice these simple things we often slight. So to the Lord I’d like to say thank you for sending Nicholas my way.

I love you Nicholas I truly do.

Nicholas’s Bus Driver

Citizen News, June 24 2009